whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
