she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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