May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
