Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
