Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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