She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
