I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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