Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
