Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Couch. On fire.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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