I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
