i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
