To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
