I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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