drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
