I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
