I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
