my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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