She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
