So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
