can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
