i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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