Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
