She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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