well you can't waste a boner
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
