The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
