At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You can't just leave with hair like that
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
