Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
