He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
