belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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