I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
