Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
