So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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