I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
