Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
