i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
