My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
