I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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