I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
