I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm both gender and math confused
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
