I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
