hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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