dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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