i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
