The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My vagina is very pro this idea
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
