I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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