he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
