I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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