My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
