in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
