Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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