I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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