So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
